Friday, March 20, 2009

hold me as i fall

I have been thinking about my short life, thinking about what has been causing a lot of my pain. Well, i will tell everyone a little about me. A little that many people may not know. I have spent the last six years being a father towards my brother why my dad was busy with either the military or with his doctor duties. Mix that with the fact that my mom rarely shows me attention when i need it, well we can all see where this is going. My dad has been gone off and on for either military, meetings, or drill (military). Its hards on a boy to have to deal with his dad being gone all the time. I was 14 when this all started. IT was a cold day in my life when he joined the military. I cannot express how much pain i suffer whenever i see my parents fighting over this shit. I also want to point out that while you all may want to say, "oh, well you should be proud of him" put yourself in my shoes for a minute. He enlisted in the military when i was 13. Deployed whan i was 14, again when i was 16, 17 and 19. Its hard on me to have to deal with all that. I have been dealing with raising myself more or less, being called an embarassment by my sister, being seen as a disappointment by my family. I cannot appease everyone, but god damn does this shit suck.

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