hold me as i fall

I have been thinking about my short life, thinking about what has been causing a lot of my pain. Well, i will tell everyone a little about me. A little that many people may not know. I have spent the last six years being a father towards my brother why my dad was busy with either the military or with his doctor duties. Mix that with the fact that my mom rarely shows me attention when i need it, well we can all see where this is going. My dad has been gone off and on for either military, meetings, or drill (military). Its hards on a boy to have to deal with his dad being gone all the time. I was 14 when this all started. IT was a cold day in my life when he joined the military. I cannot express how much pain i suffer whenever i see my parents fighting over this shit. I also want to point out that while you all may want to say, "oh, well you should be proud of him" put yourself in my shoes for a minute. He enlisted in the military when i was 13. Deployed whan i was 14, again when i was 16, 17 and 19. Its hard on me to have to deal with all that. I have been dealing with raising myself more or less, being called an embarassment by my sister, being seen as a disappointment by my family. I cannot appease everyone, but god damn does this shit suck.

In good order, will things look up?

So, those of you who are keeping track of Jeremy's blog will know that my family has hit some pretty bad financial times. My parents Escrow (sp?) company went under, basically robbing them of 3 grand and now they have to pay and addition 3 grand for taxes on the house. Now, Emily and I have the opportunity to move out of my parents house and cut back on expenses since they will be tight on money after dropping a grand total of 6 grand on the house. Moving out into an apartment for us would give them less electric being used, less food to be bought, and less gas to put in a car. We got $75 of $175 we need, so lets hope we can pull the other 100 before tuesday so we can put the deposit in. Now, there is an opportunity for me to get a job soon so that we can maintain rent on the apartment. 

Now, jeremy. Things got a little heated thursday with some pretty brutal shit being said by me. I want to apologies and say i am sorry for that, but we both know it was necessary to open your eyes to what was going on. I hate that i had to go so far as to be a cold bastard as I did what i was doing, but it was necessary. Like i said, you told us you want to be treated like anyone else, and you got it. I am blunt, and i am harsh. You want a very harsh critic, I am the one you can go to and be promised that what i say will be brutally honest. Remember that if things start getting heated. I will only spill the truth, without softening the blow. Its how i am. Like i said in our conversation, you have GOT to prove to us we can trust you after that incident. Thats all for now, PEACE